Poker Room Review...Derby Lane in St. Petersburg, FL

“GameMiscondct” and the Chief Disciple paid a visit to the Derby Lane Dog Track and Poker Room in St. Petersburg, Florida. While Florida is certainly on the right track towards affording poker to Floridians in the dog and horse tracks, their state sanctioned limits on the amount you can gamble is basically a case of trying to be a “little bit” pregnant. And as we all know, you can’t be a little bit pregnant!

Overall, the layout of the place is pretty good. Derby Lane is easy to get to off of through I-275 in Pinellas County. The actual dog track is in great shape and the stadium is much nicer than the horse track at Tampa Bay Downs. Tampa Bay Downs would have been much more convenient for us, but due to Florida Law, you can only play at Tampa Bay Downs when the horses are actually running from December to May. Apparently at Derby Lane, the dogs run all year around.

The tournament area is in a different spot than the cash games. The cash games offer limit Holdem, Omaha and Stud. All games are $2.00 maximum bet, with three raises allowed each betting round. So, the Holdem game here is commonly known as “No Fold’em Holdem” because if you’re seeing a flop, chances are you are going to river. This proved highly frustrating for me, when I flopped three 888s only to lose to a straight on the river with my opponent holding 6/9 off suit, and he wasn’t in the blind.

Needless to say, Phil Helmuth would probably label the Florida stakes “donkey stakes” and should be rightfully berating the state legislators for allowing poker to take place in such a stupid manner. I mean, c’mon…here we are with at least 50 tables with each table having a maximum $2.00 bet. It’s simply idiotic. There are no big pots; the dealers are in no way getting wealthy on tips when the average pot is 10-15 bucks.

The rakes in Florida are also pretty obscene with the house taking much more per hand than the average casino. Moreover, you have to pay for your drinks at the poker table, another ass-backwards rule that proves that Florida is really “Flor-i-duh!”

The tournaments are the way of getting around the state rules on limit betting and I hear that the Hard Rock in Tampa has some pretty stout 10-seat sit and goes, so check their web site if you want higher stakes.

The tournament we chose to enter was “Mickey Mouse” at best.

We paid $45 for the buy-in. They don’t tell you up front what percentage goes to the house, but if I added up the dollars, I’m sure it would be more than the average rake. When, I asked about written rules and blinds, they looked at me like I was an alien. There were no written rules easily available. They asked “Well what do you want to know?”…. I’m thinking… “well everything!”.

Long story short, we were in a 50 seat shoot-out which meant that 5 players advanced to a final table, after winning your individual table. They separated “Game-O” and me, so that we did not have to compete with each other until the final table. You start with 2,000 chips with blinds going up every 20 minutes. Levels were 25/50, 50/100, 100/200. At 200/400 they don’t tell you when the round will end. It ends at some point and they count up remaining chips with top table chip leader advancing. Final table entrants start with the same amount of chips.

I’m not going to bore you with my ignominious defeat, but I must share I hand that GameMiscondct was in. Game-O was dealt a rag hand. Apparently, he took his two cards and placed them down behind his chips. The dealer announced he was “All-in” and that this move of the cards behind the chips was an All-In declaration. Game-O stated he did not want to be all-in, to which the dealer tossed a rule card at him stating that the cards placed behind the chips constituted an all-in move. I had never heard of this foolishness before.

Game-O revealed 8/10 off suit with the flop coming 8-8-rag….His trips held up and he raked the pot, but c’mon…is this how a tournament should be run? I’d be curious to hear from others on this all-in declaration.

I was the second one gone from my shoot out and Game-O outlasted 6 other people before going out.

Overall Derby Lane was a somewhat forgettable experience. It was great hooking up with my peeps and getting a night out at a brick and mortar establishment. But the rules in Florida are so ass-backwards, that other players may just choose to stay in their hotel room and play poker on-line.

The advertisements in Cardplayer magazine encourage you to visit this place and do it “doggie style.” Derby Lane was nothing more than a “Busted Straight” and that’s the card rank I am giving it in my review.

The Chief has spoken.